Sussy Man Chapter One: The Suspicious Beginning

One day a Sussy man walked out onto the street. He was then hit by a car. The End. But it wasn’t the end, he actually had 36hp left. SUDDENLY he starts to crank 90s and pulls a literal rpg out of his back pocket and shoots the car.

Within minutes the FBI is bringing in 12 attack helicopters to shoot down the Sussy man, but little did they know he has a bow and arrow enchanted with punch 5 and he shoots one of the attack helicopters and sends it all the way to Africa. The FBI then starts to shoot ballistic missiles at him but he has a diamond pickaxe with efficiency 5 on his item hotbar. So he pulls it out and breaks through the literal earth and tunnels into his secret Minecraft hideout.

Sadly there was a tracker that got placed on the Sussy man when his back was turned so now the FBI knows the location of his secret Minecraft base. So they decide to nuke him with the most powerful nuke in the world that is capable of destroying the entire continent of Africa. So they launch it…

After the dust settles the FBI  realize that they made a huge mistake as they can see that his base is made of obsidian and is completely blast proof. Now they know that they should not have launched the nuke that killed billions just to kill one Sussy man. After that the FBI tries to break the base with a giant drill, but it wasn’t made of diamonds so it didn’t work. Even worse, the Sussy man had 1738 elder guardians that are trained to permanently give mining fatigue to everyone nearby except for the Sussy man.

Now it’s intense. The FBI has called on the power of Area 51s many military and alien forces. As Sussy man taps into his security cameras he watches to make sure that he knows when the attack will happen. Sussy man is prepared. The Area 51 forces and the FBI are prepared. Suddenly Sussy man’s camera goes black and he hears rapid scratching and strange noises. Sussy man’s camera comes back online and he sees the amongus imposter trying to break into his bunker using all of its weapons. Sussy man realizes that this imposter is not just any imposter. It will never give up, it will never let down, it will never run around or desert it’s mission. Sussy man zooms in with his camera lense and sees that the man inside of the amongus suit is…

RICK ASTLEY! Sussy man’s heart begins to beat very, very, very fast as he hears one edited line of never gonna give you up repeating over and over again… never gonna give up, never gonna give up, never gonna give up, never gonna give up, never gonna give up… after about twelve business days, 3 constipated people pooping and 12 seconds, Sussy man decides that he is going to have to Fortnite 1v1 Rick Astley.

So he comes out of his bunker and makes the traditional Fortnite 1v1 setup and gets ready to edit the wall and start the 1v1. Little did Rick Astley know, Sussy man had actually placed 5000 sticks of c4 under his ramp so when him and Rick Astley switch he could blow up Rick Astley. 3, 2, 1, GO! Then… BOOM! RICK ASTLEY AND HIS AMONGUS SUIT ARE BLOWN TO THOUSAND OF TINY LITTLE PIECES.

The FBI is now angry beyond what anyone thought was possible. So they send an all out attack with thousands of soldiers with millions of gallons of milk to counter the mining fatigue. The marching gets so loud that Sussy man can’t even hear his own thoughts. Leading the attack was DWANE THE ROCK JOHNSON. “Oh no” Sussy man thought. “He has infinite drive and infinite power and he also devours.”

THE ROCK EMERGES FROM THE ONCOMING ARMY! “ITS ABOUT DRIVE, ITS ABOUT POWER, WE STAY HUNGRY, WE DEVOUR, PUT IN THE WORK, PUT IN THE HOURS, AND TAKE WHATS OURS!”

Sussy man is so scared that he quickly does a farty smarty garty shart. He then realizes that even if he goes into his base he is going to eventually die. So Sussy man decides that he will have to 1v1001 them with his epic gamer moves.

First Sussy man separates the rock from the rest of the army by giving him a towering stack of pancakes and makes the rock devour them. Next he places a water bucket and uses his hacked riptide 5 trident to shoot up into the sky. He then pulls out an elytra and fireworks and starts to shoot fireworks with his multi shot 72 crossbow at the oncoming army. But the army is prepared. They use all of their shields to do a like Go Go Power Rangers move and turn into a giant amongus character, and turn to swat the Sussy man out of the sky. Luckily Sussy man manages to doge the unsuccessful attempt to kill him. He quickly runs out of luck though, because the giant Go Go Power Rangers amongus super suit takes all of the rocks pancakes and obliterates them, freeing up the rock from his eternal devour.

Now that the amongus suit is teamed up with the rock, Sussy man is in huge danger. He starts to panic and fly away, but the amongus suit snatches him out of the air and slams him to the ground popping his totem of undying instantly. But then Sussy man remembers. HE HAS A MINECRAFT SHIELD WITH UNBREAKING 732884783827! He quickly whips it out and crouches to deflect all of the attacks and make them do no damage. Then he remembers another thing! He has ender pearls! He then pearls 75 thousand miles away onto the continent of Africa where he is greeted by the FBI attack helicopter that he flung earlier.He quickly explodes it with an AK47 and continues to run because he knows that there is still a tracker on him telling the enemy his location.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE GO GO POWER RANGERS AMONGUS SUIT POPS OUT OF THE GROUND BENEATH SUSSY MAN WITH THE ROCK ON TOP OF THE SUIT! But Sussy man is prepared, and he knows exactly what he has to do… First he lets the amongus suit get him down to 1hp then right as the amongus suit is going to finish him off… SUSSY MAN PULLS OUT AN UNO REVERSE CARD AND SWAPS WITH THE ENEMY! This means that the amongus suit is on 1hp and Sussy man is going to land the final hit! BOOM! Down falls the giant Go Go Power Rangers Amongus Suit! But The Rock still stands… “I think ima head out” says Sussy man. “You aren’t going anywhere.” Says The Rock, now getting closer, and closer to Sussy man. “Any final words?” The Rock asks. “Creeper.” “Aw man.” KABOOM! The Rock is now more like the pebbles because he is now in a million pieces. Sussy man then decides to just chill with a hippo for a while because he is in Africa. “Sup hippo.” “Hello.” The hippo replies. AYO WHAT THE F- “you never seen a talking hippo?” It says “actually, yes” Sussy man replies with a hint of fear in his voice. “Wait.” “I have one question for you Mr. Hippo.” “Do capybaras live in Africa?”

“No they don’t” said Mr. Hippo. But Sussy man didn’t even stay to hear the rest. He was already flying with his elytra and fireworks to go find a capybara. Once Sussy man lands in South America, he starts his search for a capybara. He goes to Brazil and starts searching by a big pond. “I FOUND ONE!” “LETS GOOOOOO!” Sussy man then decides he will spend the rest of his life making a mansion for capybaras making sure that they have the best life possible. 1 month later, Sussy man has put all of the FBI battle and (blowing up North America) behind him. He also is living his best life in a giant capybara sanctuary which has a capybara population of 200 capybaras. Suddenly a portal sucks him up into another dimension.