Sussy Man Chapter 2

The second chapter to the hit story The Sussy Man


You should probably read chapter 1 first if you haven’t already but whatever.







Once Sussy Man got sucked into the portal he looked around and saw that he was in a giant sandstone coliseum. “This is going to be fun.” He then realizes that there are millions of people watching, and he is standing in the middle of the coliseum, and behind closed doors there are giant beasts of unimaginable size. “Ok then.” “Maybe not as fun as I thought it would be.” The first beast was a big, oversized, armored… dog? “Interesting.” Sussy man just pulls out an AK47 and kills the dog. Cheering can be heard from the crowd. The next opponent was a human. Sussy Man dealt with him easily too. But the next monster wouldn’t be as easy as the last one.

      IT WAS SHREK! “Wait, hold up, how did they get shrek here?” Sussy Man seems hesitant to kill shrek. Probably because Shrek is life. “Guess I’ll just get this over with then.” Says Sussy Man. He pulls out a rocket launcher and blasts it at Shrek…. No damage at all. Shrek ate the bomb and swallowed it whole, defusing it instantly. Shrek then roars and sends the rocket back at Sussy Man. Sussy Man dodges it by cranking 90s and letting the rocket hit the building instead. Sussy Man then keeps cranking 90s because he is CrAcKeD aT fOrTnItE. He then sits atop his tower and starts shooting Shrek with his punch 5 bow and arrow when Shrek gets close to Sussy Man’s tower. Shrek does not like this at all… 

     SUDDENLY Shrek does a leap and a flip, and lands on Sussy Man’s tower. Sussy Man tries to shoot Shrek off, but Shrek catches the arrow mid-air and snaps it in half. Sussy Man leaps off of the tower and uses his elytra to get to the high ground. But little did sussy man know, Shrek had eaten 72 Taco Bell bean burritos before the fight and it was starting to come out. Then Shrek unleashes all 72 bean burritos from his butthole. Time stops. Even time itself seems scared of this monstrosity that Shrek had just unleashed. Time continues, and Shrek rockets into the sky smashing Sussy Man into the roof. Somehow, the roof does not shatter on impact, but 2 of Sussy Man’s ribs did. Sussy Man quickly drinks a potion of instant health and his ribs are healed. Now to deal with Shrek… 

     First Sussy Man tells Shrek to do the roar. Shrek then starts to roar, and Sussy Man shoots a grappling hook into Shreks mouth. Shrek tries to quickly close his mouth but the hook is already in there. Then Sussy Man reels in Shrek and upper-cuts him so hard that Shrek explodes in a fiery explosion of beans and shart. THE CROWD GOES WILD! “A NEW CHAMPION!” Announces the voice above. But Sussy Man sees that there are still a few gates with monsters behind them… One opens… 

     And a giant monster crawls out. It is a humongous  hamster! But not giant as in oversized. Giant as in 1,000 times more massive than a normal hamster. “Noooooooo.” “I can’t attack a hamster, it’s too cute.” Says Sussy Man. He then yanks out a portal gun and shoots one portal outside of the arena and shoots another portal inside of the arena and lets the hamster exit. Booing can be heard from the crowd. Sussy man then jumps through the portal and escapes the giant coliseum. He then closes the portal behind him so that he can’t be followed. Sussy man then surveys the land around him, and sees that he is in a strange deserted world with nothing but sand for what seemed like forever. “Where am I?” Sussy Man wonders to himself. 

     Sussy Man then starts to devise a plan to leave this strange world. He looks back in the direction of the coliseum, and sees that there is nothing there but a small hut made of wood. Sussy Man is skeptical of this strange hut but he approaches anyway because he has nowhere else to go. When he enters the small hut he sees that it is not so small on the inside. It was the size of a football stadium! Sussy Man is then greeted by a strange creature wearing a dark hoodie that covers its face. “GrdfFHgYDYTFjVdtbgHF” it says. “English?” Sussy Man replies. “Oh, hello there traveler.” it says in a low raspy voice. It then starts to walk away gesturing for Sussy Man to follow. They pass by cages of creatures of all shapes and sizes, all trying to escape. Susy Man starts to become worried that this is a trap and he starts to turn around, but suddenly the mysterious creature turns around so fast that the hoodie comes off and Sussy Man sees that the person who is behind the dark hoodie is…

     Shrek? “But how?” Shrek doesn’t even reply, he just rushes at Sussy Man, fist outstretched. Sussy Man dodges out of the way and slashes out with an extremely sharp katana, and as Shrek rushes by, he gets cut in half. But Sussy Man didn’t realize what he had just done. As soon as Shrek hits the floor, all of the cages explode, releasing thousands of creatures onto the ground. Sussy Man sprints towards the exit, but the monsters are already chasing him, and they are catching up quickly. So Sussy Man splashes a potion of swiftness on himself so that he can escape. Sussy man barely made it out alive but when he exited he ran out into a giant forest that was definitely not there before. Before Sussy Man could check his surroundings, he launched a giant nuke at the small log hut that had millions of monsters inside.

      Once the hut was gone, Sussy Man started to explore the forest. After a while of walking alone. He found a strange rectangular metal box. He then saw that there was a speaker on it. It was the McMonolith! “Hello, welcome to McDonald’s. What would you like to order?” “Can I get an Oreo McFlurry?” “Boi, the ice cream machine has been broken for 81737188 years.” “Oh, can I get a 5,000 piece chicken McNuggets?” “Ok, that will be $0.02.” 

     A few minutes later Sussy Man is sitting in the forest eating his 5,000 chicken nuggets. All of a sudden a very overweight bird hops down from a tree branch, snapping it instantly under his crushing weight. The fat bird stares up at the pile of chicken nuggets, then looks at Sussy Man with beady eyes, clearly demanding a chicken nugget or two, or five, or maybe even 12. But Sussy Man doesn’t give in to the fat bird’s beady eyes. “No.” “you can’t have any.” But the fat bird doesn’t even seem phased by that reply. It just sits there, staring longingly at the chicken nuggets. “NO!” Sussy Man yells. But the bird still doesn’t budge. Sussy Man then gets up to go shoo away the bird. He pushes it but it doesn’t move. He fnaf jumpscares it, but it doesn’t move.

      Sussy Man is now out of patience so he just punts the bird like a giant football. But it boomerangs back… And now this time there are two fat birds instead of one. Sussy Man then knows that if he tries to get rid of them, they will come back as more. So Sussy Man just pulls out an infinite box and puts all of the chicken nuggets in it and goes on his way, trying to find an exit to this strange dimension. 

     On his way he finds strange huts but doesn’t explore them because of his previous experience with Shreks hut. Once Sussy Man is by himself he starts to try to make a plan. 


     First he sets up a table and puts a map on it of what he has already explored. Then Sussy Man looks in his backpack and sees a random ball labeled Dimension Shifter. There was some other text on it, something about destroying the universe. But who cares about that useless information. “Hmmmmm, how do I use this?” “oh!” “Hmmm, do not shake.” Sussy Man then shakes the orb because he literally does not care. He is then teleported to another dimension. HE WAS BACK HOME! 

     But… didn’t he destroy North America in the battle? How is he in the USA? Something was off… He looked in his backpack and the mysterious orb was gone… There was still people walking around, and he seemed to be in New York. He tried to talk to people but they just walked by like there was no one there. Sussy Man then sees a strange door. He walks through it, and is in the REAL North America. 

     There is mass destruction everywhere, and thousands of skeletons litter the ground. “I guess I can just go back to my capybara sanctuary.” He summons a helicopter and flies to South America. But when he gets to his house, there are people standing outside, and they are asking people if they have seen Sussy Man. So Sussy Man gets in his “definitely real free candy van” He then puts on a disguise and drives over to the house and lures LITERAL ADULTS into his van. Which is actually an infinite hallway. Once all of the men are in the “free candy van” Sussy Man Closes the door and locks them in there forever. 

     He then walks over to his house and looks for all of the capybaras. Luckily they had hid in the secret bunker basement, and had not gotten caught by the people searching for Sussy Man. Sussy Man then goes downstairs to see what the capybaras have been doing. He goes down there and sees that the capybaras have started to learn to read and write, and expand the underground bunker that they have been stuck in. “Hello there, Sussy Man.” The leader capybara squeaks. After the capybaras give Sussy Man a tour, Sussy Man now knows that there is an arcade, 500 bedrooms with bathrooms, 3 full-size basketball courts, 2 pools, 2 grand ballrooms, 15 gyms, and 12 restaurants. Sussy Man is then alerted that he is in extreme danger, but the alert isn’t fast enough because Sussy Man  is already being transported to another dimension.